So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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