My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
