Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
