is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
