just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
