Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
