I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The air taste purple.
Randomize
