BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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