Can i not drive my cunt home
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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