Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
