I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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