We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
