my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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