rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
