I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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