Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
