A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
