the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
