I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
