Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
