it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
