I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
