And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
