I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
