When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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