Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
