my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
