You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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