I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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