I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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