Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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