I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
