Well apparently he's into motor boating.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
