whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
