I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
