I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
