just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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