Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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