Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
