I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
