I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
