That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
no you cant smoke seaweed
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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