I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
