I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
