I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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