I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
