So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Two words: nipple clamps
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