So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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