Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
