Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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