I want to have your abortion
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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